I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
