giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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