Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
