Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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