genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
