listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
