I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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