Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
