It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
