Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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