Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
