i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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