you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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