yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
