Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When are your genitals available?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
