white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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