is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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