I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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