I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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