my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
