Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
