i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
