this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
