I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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