so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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