Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize