You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
