I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
