just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it because I queefed?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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