Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
