i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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