no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
