remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
