Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
