You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
