i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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