I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
