everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
