And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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