I wanna passion pit in your ass
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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