oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
