I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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