Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
