Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
