how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
