Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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