I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
