I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He better not be in your backpack
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize