I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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