don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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