he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
