i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
