I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
