I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
