Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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