I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
