My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
