And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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