Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Watching her eat just hurts me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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