he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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