Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
