So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
