You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
