I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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