god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
