In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
