eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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