I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
