i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize