He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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