I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
